Horse Racing Gifts That Don’t Exist But Definitely Should

Racing photos by Eclipse Sportswire
Every December we struggle to find the perfect gift for our friends and relatives who are horse racing fans during the holiday season. There’s nothing wrong with a nice calendar, a gift subscription or a Breyer American Pharoah — in fact, we’ve got a whole list of them right here — but sometimes it’s nice to spice it up a little for the holidays.
With that in mind, here is our list of perfect holiday gifts that should be created but are not currently available. In some cases, we’ve even sounded a call to action.
1. Tickle-Me, Ken Ramsey
Why should Elmo have all the fun? This specialty doll featuring the infectious laugh of horse racing's most gregarious owner is sure to be a hit with racing fans both young and old and a must-have item for the serious horse racing memorabilia collector.

2. American Pharoah Bobbletail
Bobblehead, schmobblehead. It's all about that tail. These American Pharoah Bobbletails are sure to be this year’s hot item.
3. Yarns from Racing’s Backside
How about a collection of the best behind-the-scenes tales from some of the sport's most revered writers — from Jennie Rees to Steve Haskin, from Tom Pedulla to Maryjean Wall and Bill Nack. We’re in!
4. Generic Todd Pletcher Quotes Keychain
Featuring trainer-speak classics like: “He can be any kind of horse,” and “I feel we’re holding a very strong hand,” this is the gift that keeps on giving, at least until the battery runs out.
 
5. Best of Jockey Karaoke DVD - Saratoga PDJF version
A highlight reel of some of the best moments in the history of one of horse racing’s best yearly events? Where do we sign up? 

CLICK FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE PERMANENTLY DISABLED JOCKEYS FUND
6. The Horseplayer Bad Beats Board Game
Traffic trouble, lose a turn; Saddle slipped on your single, lose $200; Jockey misjudged the pace, go back to Night School; Gary Stevens lulled them to sleep on the lead with a longshot, go to the Racing Hall of Fame until you roll doubles. So many possibilities …
7. The Coach Talking Christmas Tree Ornament
“You can’t win if you’re not in.”
  
8. Rosie Napravnik’s Guide to Springing the Ultimate Surprise
We know Rosie Napravnik has a flair for springing the big surprise after her Breeders’ Cup Distaff retirement/expectancy announcement from 2014. Don’t miss this handy guide with special sections on keeping a secret and perfect timing.
9. Horse-Dung Scented Yankee Candle
Never has becoming overwhelmed by olfactory hues been so comforting and useful: light this one when your non-horse-loving friends or relatives overstay their welcome.
 
10. Squishy American Pharoah
Everybody loved Squishy Hansen (pictured below), but a Triple Crown winner is next-level squishy fun. 

11. Andy Serling’s Twitter Rules of Diplomacy
Don’t miss the Dos and Don’ts of Twitter engagement from one of racing's mellowest fellows, Andy Serling. Are you loose with the truth? Maybe it's your fire. Andy will teach you how to not get burned.
12. The Haiku Handicapper’s Racing’s Lamest Excuses Holiday Card (by Joe Nevills)
Lame excuses for scratching a horse, running up the track or losing a head bob in haiku form … on a holiday card! Seasons Greetings, Joe, make it happen!
13. Beginner’s Guide to Takeout Trolling
Learn all the tricks of the trade in one handy guide. From easy ways to get the conversation bubbling to easy targets to key buzzwords, learn all the tricks of the trade.
14. Ahmed Zayat Specialty Horse Racing Emoticons
Nobody makes better use of the emoticon in horse racing than American Pharoah’s owner, Ahmed Zayat. Let’s get the Triple Crown-winning owner into a room with a developer and make this happen. We all win!

15. Let The Horse Tell Us What to Do Next Magic Eight-Ball
Everybody remembers the Magic Eight-Ball growing up (“Should I tell mom that I stuck my gum in my sisters hair?” – “Yes, definitely” … “Let’s do best of three.”) Introducing horse racing’s version where we let the horse tell us what to do next.

16. Ultimate Paddock Experience with Maggie Wolfendale
Want to know what to look for in a racehorse as the minutes tick down before a race? Rising media star Maggie Wolfendale, a 2015 Beemie Awards winner, is the perfect guide to understanding what to look for when checking out the racehorses before the big event. 

17. Eric Guillot Voodoo Doll Set
Who better to design this item than one of the most interesting characters in horse racing? Perhaps best know as Moreno’s trainer, Eric Guillot is a Louisianan who once made up a voodoo doll of Todd Pletcher. Why not take it to the next level with a complete collection? We’re joking, of course. Well, sort of …
18. Dale Romans - Eddie Musselman Rock’Em - Sock’Em Robots
If you missed the brawl on the Churchill Downs backside from back in 2014, don’t fret. Stage your own version with a customized version of a classic game. 

19. The Rotondo-Tordjman Bowtie Collection
Nobody knows bowties like Peter Rotondo (below) and Dan Tordjman. Let this dapper duo show you the way to dress to impress with a new line created exclusively for the racing fan.

20. Keeneland Bread Pudding-Flavored Candy Canes
What are we waiting for …?
21. Marty Schwartz “Victory” T-Shirt
Nobody celebrates a victory quite like Marty Schwartz.

22. Joe Kristufek’s Proper Ale Six-Pack Sampler
Who knows a proper ale better than Churchill Downs’ Joe Kristufek? Let him pick this year's holiday sampler from his short-list of favorites.
23. The John Asher Ultimate Mix Tape
Churchill Downs Vice President of Racing Communications John Asher has a great taste for music. Christmas edition you ask … we’ll leave that up to John.
24. D. Wayne Lukas Trainers Tree Nativity Scene, with Special Todd Pletcher Manger
Tired of the same old nativity scene year after year? Change things up this year with the D. Wayne Lukas Trainers Tree Edition, featuring Kiaran McLaughlin, Mark Hennig and Dallas Stewart as the three wise men and the most incredible barn of horses in Jerusalem, plus a special Todd Pletcher manger. You say sacrilegious?! We say, well, maybe a little ...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS