Miller Diaries: Pony Racing in the Park

And now for something completely different.
I woke up on Sunday morning with one goal in mind: get to uptown to witness the first annual Central Park Grand National Shetland Pony Steeplechase. That’s right: in the heart of my city, tiny children were going to climb onto similarly tiny ponies and race each other over tiny fences. There was no way I was missing that.
So I emerged from my apartment and headed uptown to Central Park, giving myself plenty of time since there was a protest march scheduled for the afternoon right next to the park entrance. I timed it perfectly, and when I arrived at the entrance of the converted Wollman Skating Rink, the facility was decked out for the horse show, and I was beyond excited:

Except for one tiny little minor detail: I had forgotten to purchase tickets in advance. When I got to the ticket taker, he told me that the event was completely sold out and that I was out of luck.

When I get all the way to Central Park for @USPonyRacing and it's sold out: pic.twitter.com/QLntjEy85Y
— Penelope P. Miller (@PenelopePMiller) September 21, 2014

I think my face must have broadcasted my devastation, because he was super nice about it and told me to come back at 12:30 and he would see if he could smuggle me in. Sweet! The only thing was that there were all sorts of cool events on the docket for the afternoon, and I didn’t want to miss out on anything; so I devised a plan. That plan included me climbing over all sorts of rocks and things to secure a place where I could peer through some barriers to view the action. Journalism!

But the view was actually pretty good from my clandestine location, and I was able to watch members of the United States Pony Club demonstrate some mounted games. These kids were totally fearless – they did everything from competitions that involved flags to relay races with Coke bottles and more.

But the most impressive demonstration to me was the balloon game: in a voice that implied that this was perfectly reasonable behavior, the announcer informed the crowd that the kids would be galloping at a bunch of balloons affixed to a board on the ground wielding a long stick with a nail on it. The goal was for each individual to pop as many as the balloons at one time and then hand off the death stick to their teammate, who would do the same. The team to pop all of the balloons first would be declared the winner.
To recap: put children on a pony. Arm said children with a sharp, pokey-stick-of-doom. Encourage children to gallop ponies at full speed whilst carrying said pokey-stick-of-doom toward a bunch of balloons. Children are to then pop balloons, resulting in loud noises that tend to scare things like ponies. Then, have child gallop headlong at another youth, brandishing the pokey-stick-of-doom at her teammate until it changes hands. Repeat as necessary.
I wanted to try it so, so badly.

It looked completely insane, incredibly dangerous, and so much fun. Ten-year-old me would have been all over that.
At that point, it was about 12:30 so I decided to try my luck with the nice guy at the entrance to the arena. Remarkably, he remembered me and waved me in, telling me to head to the very top of the bleachers where there were a few open seats. Awesome! That guy was a hero.
When I arrived in my new seat, I was just in time for a dressage demonstration by sixteen-year-old Bebe Davis of Lexington, Ky. and her horse Mouse. If you don’t know dressage, it’s the sport made famously called “horse dancing” by Stephen Colbert.

In all seriousness, dressage is an amazing sport that totally relies on the bond between horse and rider to produce movements that look effortless and fluid. It’s not easy, but Bebe and Mouse made it look like poetry.

After performing her test, Bebe got a huge round of applause, and she and Mouse left the ring waving to their fans.

And then! And then and then and then! It was time for the main event: the pony racing! As the grounds crew set up the steeplechase course, I saw the young riders milling at the entrance gate in their silks and hard hats.

Tiny jockeys!! (Well, even tinier jockeys, that is!!)
Then the racing ponies came out. There were to be two heats of the steeplechase that afternoon since the course was pretty narrow. As the ponies emerged from the stable, I garnered a few strange looks from the fans around me because I was making high-pitched noises not dissimilar to a boiling teakettle.

I mean, c’mon, that’s beyond adorable. My internal monologue was basically just:

The first set of jockeys emerged, and after a quick selfie the call to post was sounded and the kids ran to their ponies.

After a brief post parade, the ponies made their way to the start and the race was on!

I don’t know what exactly I was expecting when it came to pony racing, but I was tremendously impressed by these young jockeys and their steeds. They took the race very seriously and showed huge skill and athleticism while navigating the race.

In the end, it was No. 2 Olney Smarty Pants with Colin Smith aboard to win the first division of the Grand National. The pair was immediately surrounded by friends and family to get their photo taken after the race.

If you look closely, you will notice that Olney Smarty Pants used the opportunity to try to eat the trophy. Gotta love ponies!

Of course Olney Smarty Pants got lots of love and pats from her humans despite her grabbiness. She’d earned it!

Then it was time for the second division of the race. The young riders emerged and the ponies paraded for fans under the Manhattan skyline in the minutes leading up to the steeplechase.

I didn’t have a firm rooting interest in the race (as I am horrifyingly underinformed about pony racing – something I hope to rectify!) but I immediately had a favorite when No. 4’s name was announced to be My Friend Fluffy. Obviously this was the best pony in the history of the world and I immediately loved him very much.

Also, he looked very cranky and somewhat older than the others. That’s just how I like my ponies, so my mind was made. My Friend Fluffy was the horse (erm, pony) to beat.
Turns out that I was right: the second heat didn’t go quite as smoothly as the first, with a few ponies going off course and a couple of unscheduled dismounts after the start. That’s just ponies being ponies, but My Friend Fluffy and jockey Cadence Clucas stayed true throughout the race, winning by a pole. 

While there were a few disappointed young riders who left the arena, each child had shown great horsemanship and fantastic poise in a pretty chaotic environment and no kids or ponies were any worse for wear after the race was run. Cadence and My Friend Fluffy posed for their win picture, and then the pony racing portion of the afternoon drew to a close. 

The show ended with legendary horse whisperer Guy McLean giving a demonstration on natural horsemanship. He rode one horse while directing three others using only gentle touches with a long-handled whip. It was astounding to see, and I love his method of working with horses in a way that is both comfortable and natural to them. 

McLean even was able to get one of the horses to lie down and allow the horse he was riding to stand over him. That was amazing!

His demonstration was so compelling that I even spied a mounted officer who stopped by to take in some tips from the periphery of the arena. How cool is that?

With that, my Manhattan equine adventure came to a close. If you every have the chance to go see some pony races, I cannot recommend it highly enough! It’s fun, cute, and so wonderful to see these young riders show off their ability. And don’t forget: two-time Kentucky Oaks-winning jockey Rosie Napravnik got her start riding races aboard ponies, so you never know where you’re going to see tomorrow’s stars.
Thanks for joining me, and I hope you get a chance to take in some pony racing sometime soon – you won’t regret it!